Saturday, May 29, 2010

Today is a new day for me it is all I have, I don't think about the future or tomorrow I think about today. When you have a terminal diagnosis the best way to live is in the RIGHT here and NOW. Make today matter,first I will take my cup of coffee and go outside and feel, smell and enjoy the air and the sun on my face for a little while. My puppy beside me she came along a few wks before I knew I had a re occurrence of breast cancer. Ive often thought is it fair to her perhaps I should give her to someone to raise and love.God brought her to me though and I have learned to follow what his plans entail for me and for Rocksey.

She is a yellow Lab like Max she looks just like him except she is a girl. Max came into my life when my sons were little and he would follow the twins around everywhere. I guess to tell you Rockseys story I have to tell you about Max. I thought he would bond with my sons they had never had a dog before i had just gone through a divorce. He decided from the beginning he was my buddy but he protected the entire family. I told you in my previous blog Max saved my life by making me see i had cancer. He never left my side where I was he was it use to make me crazy he'd be asleep and id get up for a glass of water and he would immediately get up and follow me to the kitchen. When I went through breast cancer the first time he never left my side. Then he got ill, he was 10 yrs old after all it was bound to happen. I was too sick to go to the vets office so i had a vet come to our home. Max was getting weak he couldn't get up from a sitting position or lying postion and he would look at me like im sick. Did you know dogs can get diabetes? Well guess what he had it and I am a nurse so I understand somewhat whats going on but then im thinking how in the world do I control his blood sugars?

My vet told me you have to check his urine when he goes, so picture this, me with this rag on my head, sick as a dog from chemo, following my dog around in the back yard with a paper cup. Then picture the same dog thinking oh what is she doing collecting my stuff! So he would play games he'd make believe he was going to pee and then hed get up and go NO i'm going over there, no im going over there, over and over again and here i am following him around with a paper cup. I'm thinking dog im dying here could you cut me a break? No breaks for me, it turns out he had a master plan to keep me on my feet and off the couch and out of bed by giving me someone to take care of that needed just me. Funny how God works.....I think had i not had someone to take care of I would of laid in bed or on the couch and thought whoah is me. Max needed me he would come over to me and in his way ask for a hug, he loved for me to hug him tight. Love and hugs can heal breast cancer he didn't care I lost all my hair, he didn't care I gained 50 lbs from the drugs they gave me, he didn't care I couldn't eat anything for almost 5 months, he didn't care about anything but the "me" he knew and loved. Max had to have insulin which i gave him every day and i checked his urine every day, we went through breast cancer together and diabetes.

Max left me the week I was well enough to go back to work and my breast cancer treatment was done. He held on till he knew I was going to be ok. Max you will forever be in my heart until we meet again............

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